By Amy Green
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My name is Amy. I’m a 25-year-old graduate student who likes yoga, home-decorating shows and eating spoonfuls of peanut butter straight from the jar. Oh yeah, and I’m an iPhone addict.
I wasn’t always an addict. In fact, for many years I told myself I didn’t want a fancy cellphone. They seemed like too much work, always beeping, ringing and demanding attention. I was perfectly content with my simple antique, and I didn’t anticipate changing my mind any time soon.
However, about a year ago, I found myself envious of all those proud iPhone owners, cradling their shiny new phones and showing them off to all their friends. I started eavesdropping on conversations about “iPhone apps”, feeling like a tourist listening to a language I couldn’t speak.
Eventually I couldn’t ignore my iPhone instinct any longer, and I welcomed my new iPhone into my life. I instantly fell in love with the little bundle of joy, and could no longer imagine a life without it.
To my surprise, I suddenly found myself with a whole new circle of friends—other iPhone owners I could go to for advice and support as I learned the various functions of my new device. They responded to my iPhone-related queries when my other friends couldn’t, and didn’t roll their eyes when I bragged about all the things little Eloise (yes, I named her) could do.
For a couple months I was living on iCloud nine as I built my new life with Eloise. However, I realized I had a problem when one day I found myself Google-mapping my way to my mailbox. Which happens to be right outside my front door.
When I reflected upon the past few months, I couldn’t believe I didn’t see this coming. All the warning signs were there. Eloise slept right beside me and was the first thing I reached for in the morning. I checked my e-mail about 20 times a day. I also experienced attachment anxiety when I left poor Eloise in the change room at the gym. What if she beeped and needed my response? Or, even worse, what if a careless gym-goer knocked her out of my bag and caused her screen to (I hardly dared to imagine it) crack?
Okay, so I was addicted to my iPhone.
Once I admitted I had a problem, things started to change. What used to feel like friendly notifications now felt like constant nagging to respond. I hated that I could no longer leave the house without Eloise in my hand. Eventually, I resented Eloise so much I wanted to throw her at the wall—and would have, too, if I weren’t so worried about being reported for iPhone abuse.
I decided something had to be done. But, as I quickly realized, iPhones are like cigarettes and not easy to quit.
Then, while taking the bus to work one day, I was unexpectedly forced to quit—at least temporarily. When I reached into my purse to grab Eloise (to check my e-mail for only the seventh time that morning), I found her overcome by fever. She was so hot that I dropped her immediately back into my bag with barely enough time to comprehend the words “overheating” and “power-off” that flashed with angst upon her screen. When I picked her up again, she was gone.
My head swam with panic as I attempted to problem-solve without avail. I couldn’t call anyone for advice. I couldn’t Google whether this had happened to any fellow iPhone parents. And when I finally arrived at work (luckily I found my office without Google maps to guide me), I learned that sick days do not apply to one’s iPhone children.
The Apple Store was closed by the time I finished work, so I headed home with dread into an Eloise-less night. But, after a couple hours without any text alerts, push notifications, or even good old-fashioned phone calls, I felt ... calmer. After a few more hours I felt like a whole new woman, rising above the need for a silly... what was it called again? It had been so long I could hardly remember.
Without my electronic bed partner, I drifted off into the deepest slumber I’d had in months. The next morning, I read the news from the simplicity of the newspaper, instead of from my iPhone. I even noticed the cherry blossoms blooming.
My goodness, what had I been missing?
But although it went against my newly redefined principles, I made my way to the Apple Store later that afternoon after admitting I’d need a phone sooner or later.
Half an hour and one friendly Apple employee later, I found myself yet again the proud owner of a new iPhone. When I turned it on, a wave of familiarity washed over me as it buzzed with two days worth of missed texts and notifications.
As I rode home, I found myself frenziedly responding to messages of “where are u?” and “c u soon?” Suddenly, I was reminded of an old Alanis Morissette song: “I’ve got one hand in my pocket, and the other one’s death-gripping an iPhone.”...
Without finishing my text, I put my phone back into my purse and decided to just enjoy the ride for a while.
Vocabulary
1. abuse: 滥用。
2. yoga: 瑜伽；spoonful: 一匙之量。
3. fancy: 高级的，奢华的。
4. beep: 嘟嘟响。
5. antique: 古董，此处用比喻义，指旧手机。
6. envious: 妒忌的，羡慕的；cradle: 轻轻地抱着，此处用比喻义。
7. eavesdrop: 偷听（别人的谈话）；app: =application，应用程序。
8. query: 问题，疑问；roll one's eyes: 翻白眼；brag about: 吹嘘。
9. be on cloud nine:〈口〉极为高兴。此处形近字的用法很巧妙，iCloud是苹果公司的云服务，其功能是将存储内容，包括购买的音乐、应用、电子书等推送到用户的所有苹果设备。
10. Google-map: v. 用Google在线地图进行搜索。
11. Reflect upon: 仔细思考。
12. attachment: 喜爱，依恋；change room: 更衣室；gym: 健身房。
13. knock out: 撞倒；crack:（使）破裂，（使）裂开。
14. notification: 通知；nagging: 唠叨的。
15. angst: 焦虑不安，烦恼。
16. swim: 发昏，眩晕；without avail: 徒劳。
17. dread: 恐惧。
18. slumber: 睡眠。
19. cherry blossom: 樱花；bloom: 开花。
20. redefined: 重新定义的；sooner or later: 迟早。
21. wash over:（感觉）突然袭来；buzz: 发嗡嗡声，忙乱。
22. frenziedly: 忙乱地，激动地；c u soon: =see you soon的缩写。
23. Alanis Morissette: 艾拉妮丝•莫莉塞特，加拿大摇滚女歌手；death-gripping: 紧紧握住。